This entry is specifically for ALL and I do mean ALL...for my sisters at Blessings, for Sharon and all of her prayer warriors, and for anyone else who has inquired, wrote a message or email...
Thank you just doesn't seem to be adequate enough to express what my heart feels at this very moment. I came online tonight and was truly speechless and overwhelmed withthe amount of messages that were waiting for me to read...as well as all the emails! Many of them I read as I cried my eyes out. To see the love, the support of TRUE friends, and the friendship of so many Christians in this world just blessed my heart. The tears are still falling as I think of those who spent hours trying to seek out help for me and my situation. It's a difficult one indeed and I am still struggling to survive each day as it comes. This past week was spent sleeping while the kids were in school due to being up all night. I am trying to get my body in a different routine so that my days and nights arent so mixed up. I have not done a thing in a week! That's so not me!
My medications have been switched around with a little so I am praying they will do what they are supposed to do...to ease the anxiety, to allow me to sleep at night, and to not be so drained by this depression that has consumed my life. It's not easy but this week I don't feel as if I want to die...which for me is an improvement of some kind. I think back to that night..or early morning when I took all those pills...it's scary to think I am able to bring myself to do harm. Each day I have to tell myself to continue with life...that I AM special, I am loved and cared for, and that people around the world are praying.
Yesterday I received a gift in the mail. Not a gift from a friend...well, it could be...but a gift from Joyce Meyer Ministries! Before I attempted to take my life, I wrote to the prayer team explaining the situation some. I did receive a reply back and then received a set of tapes yesterday..which totally blessed my heart! I have listened to one of them so far called Emotional Healing. When I was up all night last night, I played the tape over and over again...and it was encouraging. She reminded me that emotional healing is painful at times but you have to keep going in order to reap the rewards. The other tape which I have not listened to yet is about worth and value. Joyce Meyer is my role model. She has been through abuse herself and has come through with wholeness, happiness, and joy in her life! As I write this, I think to the time in my life when I too will achieve complete emotional healing and wholeness. I am hopeful and realize that there will be times that are painful but that it doesn't last forever. A lot harder to keep in mind when the memories are popping up everywhere.
The Lord as well as my sisters in Christ are behind me every step of the way. What a comfort to know that!
I am going to close this for now. Again I thank each person who has left a message and prayer. Your kindness, thoughtfulness, and caring never goes unnoticed. I appreciate you ALL for doing all that you can for me.
Love and Blessings,
Lisa
P.S.- Also if you would like to visit a new site, click here to read about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness in CT.